My Opinions and Why you Shouldn't Listen to Them

The Age-Proof Card Dilemma

2007-06-15T22:18:00.000+10:00

Ooo, I've never got to write a blog before still feeling the same way I did when the 'injustice' was inflicted upon me. This should be interesting...
You know, coming of age is meant to be a big thing. It's meant to change alot. I mean, you're now *18*. That magical, amazing, fascinating number of beauty and depth, that means you've finally stepped down from being a boy and become a man.
Well, it's done stuff all for me. My life has changed very little since turning 18, almost one year ago. I suppose it's the fact that I don't indulge in the things that are too unhealthy to expose to little kids: I don't drink because of health reasons and also I think it's a bloody stupid thing to do (yeah, there'll be more on this in the future; count on it), I don't smoke because I can't imagine anything stupider and against blatant nature and common sense than setting something on fire then inhaling. Seriously, who thought this up in the first place, and why wasn't he put to the stake for it (despite, you know, him probably getting some type of pleasure out of that), and I don't drive. At all. Don't mix your sexual similes in here, I meant a car. I'm clumsy by nature. People put away plates when they see me in their house; so why in God's name would I be trusted with a one tonne hunk of metal that moves over 100 km/h and is known to have people die because of them (and stupidity, admittedly) just because I've reached a certain age?
The only things that have changed for me is that I now have to write *18* in that little spot next to my current age on a census form or the like.
And this all equates to one thing: I don't have any I.D. I don't do any of these things, so I don't see why I should carry around proof of age to prove something that many people are already quite aware of. The only problem emanating from this is that I can't be let into pubs after dark.
I rarely go out to pubs; after all, they mean 'somewhere you can drink and smoke because it's not safe nor right to do it in public', you know, much like the function of a brothel.
But whenever I'm with a group that doesn't share this view; this group quite often consisting of everyone else; I can't get in. The whole function of the checking of the IDs is to make sure that only people who do drink and smoke and do all other sorts of idiotic things can get in, so even despite the fact that I don't do these things, I still can't get access and spend time with my friends in said alcohol-brothels. Where does that support any type of law? I'm not going to do anything wrong and so I'm not allowed inside the place where I wouldn't do it even if I have the opportunity. If I go to get a bloody drink and look too young, then the people at the bar can ask for I.D, that's meant to be part of their bloody job.
And now for why I'm wrong.
Fact is, it's a matter of security. They don't know what age I am, nor what I'm going to do once I'm inside the club. Sure, they could check my I.D upon going to the bar, but that doesn't mean they can be sure that I'm not going to get someone to sneak them to me (assuming that I'm underage). It's not a foolproof system, of course; I know plenty of people that had fake I.Ds some years before they turned 18, but it's the most convenient way to go about ensuring a sense of security for the bar.
I may not normally need I.D, but if it's something they need, I have to comply, if only to continue ensuring such security.
Stay linked, hopefully I'll have a less 'personal' topic in the near future.

MPI104 Assessment 2

2007-06-13T20:48:00.000+10:00

This is a post for MPI104, for which this blog was created, second assessment.
The aesthetics used in this blog were created mostly for ease of use: There are in fact but a few changes from the original 'Minima Black' template provided by the BlogSpot. However, I have changed the colour of the text from a faint gray and the heading from a greenish colour to pure white; creating a greater constrast between the black background and the text, making it more striking and easier to read. The link colours however show a darker blue and purple, as to be distinguished from the text, but also is bright enough as to not be confused with the background. Also, the heading has been changed from the original plain text into a more 'personal' partly handdrawn heading. While the 'My Opinions' is written in my handwriting, giving it that personalised touch, the 'AND WHY YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO THEM' is written in a far more mechanical font, giving it a boldness and harshness, because blatantly, that's what it's meant to be.
The posts, as stated in my first assessment is about why I am wrong in my opinions, and is an exploration of looking at things in a different light. My recent Harry Potter topic post is a good example of myself getting quite annoyed at the way I think, and my 'Chocolate Day' post details my own thoughts and beliefs about complexities, but then causes me to rebuttal them through simplicity, and to think of the whole, instead of the groups. The way that this works in my aesthetics is that the colours are divided; light and dark, black and white. While I may think one thing, there's always another side to it; something else to see it against (the background against the foreground).
The text is kept slightly to the left, as that is where the eye immediately searches an image or book, at least in our culture, as we read left to right (if you do not do this, then this blog will be a lot harder to

dnatsrednu).

Any further information, such as links or the blog's archive, are kept to the right, due to them taking a secondary status of importance to the actual posts. The order of the information on the sidebar is kept in priority of what I believe the readers need to know; first they of course need to know about me, to inflate my enormous ego, but also so they can judge just what type of writer I am, and how that will reflect in the posts, followed by the blog archive, to make assessing past blogs simple, finally followed by things that are related to the site, but not entirely relevant such as my favorites, my recommended sites and technorati.
While my del.icio.us is rather immune to having the template updated, it shows reflecting my own interests and what I use daily through the internet, showing my involvement and investment in the entire internet community. However, Flickr is another case. There was no real theme for the photos I used, but they all reflect something of me. There are pictures of my drawings, pictures of landscapes that fascinate me of the time it would've taken to capture them, and other things such as celebrities , pets and friends , so the only aesthetic value I can divulge of this account is that it's about what makes up and interests me, and I can only hope that other people can find something of interest to themselves within it.

Atcote Blogger and the Deathly Topic

2007-06-09T15:23:00.000+10:00

That's right, I've given in; I'm going to write something on Harry Potter.
If you plan to read Harry Potter in the future, but haven't yet, don't bother reading this for its spoilers, though I've no doubt you know them all already anyway.
Ah, Harry. Ol' Harry Potter. Good ol' Harry Potter.
How I hate him! (If you can figure out the comic strip I'm referencing here, you win a cookie).
Well, it's not so much the books I hate, nor the character, that whiny, depressive, self-concerned bastard; I find him to be quite an accurate depiction of teenagers of this day. It's the fans. I don't ever seem to get along with fans of a particular series very well, despite me being a member of it, I suppose.
Okay, okay, I concede, I've had the 'Is Dumbledore still alive?' and the 'Did Dumbledore plan it?' argument... For a lasting matter of two and a half hours. I honestly can't even remember which side I was ever arguing for. All I remember is feeling slightly relieved afterwards.
It's more or less a scenario of 'Okay, I've got the Potter-Freak out of me, now I can go and actually read a book again,' but then I realise the fans keep coming back for more. And more. How can there be an entire website dedicated to this topic? How can people think about it that much if you're not J.K. Rowling, in which case she's actually making money off it and, I don't know, has control over the topic? Just what is the appeal of dressing up like a Hogwarts student just to buy the freaking book?
And what's even worse is the anti-fans. The people who ruin it for the actually, and freakishly, committed people. I'm talking about the people who went around at the launch of the sixth book and shouted the various 'Snape killed Dumbledore!' spoilers. It's one thing to be bothered to waste your time for something you really seem to love, in hopefully no more than a freaky fan type way, but to put yourself out and run around streets at midnight in order to ruin it for them? Now that's a whole new level of patheticness... patheticity.... (Damn you the English language...)
Honestly, while I've enjoyed the books, and will definitely read the final in its series, but I don't see the point of the hype, nor the anti-hype.
Okay, time to say why I'm wrong, otherwise this blog would lose all context (and we'd hate that, wouldn't we?).
Do you even know any actual fans like this? I mean, sure, there's a rather scary fanatic in your MPI104 class for this sorts of thing, but while they are out there, they're not exactly affecting you, are they? What right have you to ask why they should show such enthusiasm to a series of books that they love? I daresay someone who's written over 100 pages on a Legend of Zelda fan-fiction can't go around fan-ship bashing, now can he?
And also, it's the talking about the series, the skepticism, the wonder over Dumbledore's fate or Snape's intents that keep the series really alive; if you read a book and didn't think about it, then what was the point of the narrative? You should know over as well as anyone that a book is there for interpretation and to learn from, and who says you can't do that with a Harry Potter novel? I mean, the knowledge of the uses of the mandrake root may not be totally important, but it's the thoughts your mind creates around those things that sparks your own imagination, and if you enjoy talking (or arguing) about this sort of thing with your friends, then why not? If it's fun, it's fun. You're being nearly as bad as the spoilers for thinking there's a reason to deny people any enjoyment they may get out of it.
...
Man, I'm a really mean person to myself when I want to be. Anyway, keep linked, I'll be back soon!

mpi104 - Counters

2007-05-31T13:36:00.001+10:00

Hello all. I haven't been posting 'interestingness' posts lately, but I'll make up an excuse for that later.
What I'm here for today is to explain something that I'm sure we're all VERY excited about: website counters.
These marvellous devices that give us that all important non-caffine based ego boost are very popular among the concited and lonely, and tell us how many people are visiting their site, and give them the one glimmering light of hope in their otherwise dreary, pointless existance.
But enough pointless insults to those not totally unlike me! Site Meter allows us, to track where those that visit our sites are coming from to get to our site, what they 'google' search to get there, where they're going afterwards, how long they've been there, and which pages they looked at; everything the digital stalker needs in their day to day life!
I've only just signed up with Site Meter due to the demands of MPI104, so thus my view count will be very low; even lower than the one before then, which read 134 visits; fifty of which appeared in the past three days! Huzzar!
Anyway, I'll get back to toiling in the boiler of my own lost hopes and dreams; if the situation demands it, I may post again today with something made, you know, for entertaining purposes, as this blog was created for.
Away!

Edit 14/6/07: Okay, I've had my technorati counter but for some time now, and these are the statistics about my readers that I can gain from it: Most of them are from Australia; the addresses that are listed are mostly in NSW, so it's nice to see I get a home field advantage (though I'm sure plenty of them are actually me), but I also have a few readers in Europe (notably Spain, something which surprised me) and a couple from America. Many of them seem to arrive at my site from 'edu.au', something which by itself doesn't seem to exist... so thereby, if people can find my blog through being nowhere, I should be plenty of new readers!

- Atcote

mpi-104 Technorati

2007-05-24T13:32:00.000+10:00

Technorati is a special search engine site that allows members to claim their blogs, see their connectivity status with othersites via an 'authority' system, mine of which is currently a WHOLE '7'.
My overall ranking for the site, which ranks my position in the site to that of everyone else's, is a phomenal '707,903', which of course means if somebody says, 'Man, I'm looking for something that not many people like or even know about, I think I'll go for something in the low sevent hundred and ninty thousands', I'll be one of the first to jump to their minds!
Technorati is different from Google in that it only really searches blogs, as opposed to many different kinds of sites.
This post was made by a machine, not unlike a robot, for the purposes of passing MPI-104.

mpi104-2007 RSS

2007-05-10T13:27:00.000+10:00

XML is a 'markup language' used for the generalisation of code for the internet, as in, it allows different sites, seach engines and operating systems to communicate on a single level without interferance.
An RSS feed is a type of 'feed' or link from a website, providing those with access the ability to check upon its updates since the user's last visit.

For my RSS feeds, I have created a Google Reader account, due to it coinciding with my already present Google account, making it simpler for whenever I wish to visit my RSS feeds along-side my emails.

MPI104-2007 Mason A. Interestingness Post

2007-05-06T02:28:00.000+10:00

Righto, time to start this off.

Right now, over the course of this assignment I have put together a flickr account, a del.icio.us account, and of course, this blog.
My flickr account, which allows me to post any photos I can find or take on the internet, contains some photos from around my room, of my pet dog, a few stills from movies and the work of an old-time photographer who's landscapes I have a respect for, Carelton E Watkins. It contains 34 photos, and while it has no particular theme, this is probably the simplest and easiest to access of the accounts. The groups I have joined are purely directed by my interests; in one case, a pet lover's group, and another, a Terry Pratchett's Discworld group. The tags I have used are just for easy sorting and searching for other people; accurate and concise statements to find the picture.
Del.icio.us contains a plethora of links that I use in my daily life; many of them webcomics links, Flash cartoon websites, and various useful sites, such as Rotten Tomatoes, adding up to 35 in total. Most of it contains humorous sites, but also contains some of my other interests, such as music and literature (though admittedly, including humorous authors). All the websites have tags, which have been bundled for the sake of simplicity. There is no theme behind this either, just containing sites I believed that others would find interesting. I use this in my workflow for whatever I need some inspiration, I see what my contacts have added, which is normally interesting stuff.
And finally, my Blog, which is where any real interest lies in this work. This blog of nine posts is mostly about me, and my wish to see things from other perspectives than what I usually think. In it, I find topics that interest me, state my opinions on them, and then take my opinion apart, displaying to me a reason why it is incorrect or unjustified, in order to display things in a different light. It has no set topic: as long as I can comment on it, I'll talk about it. You'll notice it also contains a list of 100 weird things for men to say during sex as a filler, and a bit of a joke. This is definitely the web medium through which most of my personality shines. The theory was debunked in the very first post, so as you can see, it is also a blog intended for comical and satirical purposes. It even contains a gutsy move of talking about stress of uni here, the night before the assignment was due. I believe that it reflects 'interestingness' because it's something I've never seen done before; the attempt to actively disprove yourself, as I notice most blogs are about proving yourself right, instead of wrong. The look I have kept simplistic, and have purposely used few images, as I'd prefer the audience concentrating on what's being said. The posts are mostly quite long and detailed, in order to avoid vapidness of shorter, impersonal posts. The blog contains a list of links I find interesting on the side, along with a list of my favorite things, so the audience can get a feel as to what kind of a person I am, and full profile of details.
This work has been done diligently and with a goal to further myself through it, and see a different side of me.
Oh, and most importantly; Please mark well!

The Atlas of University

2007-05-02T22:05:00.000+10:00

Reading the title of this blog, you may get confused. Am I talking about a detailed guide to this residence of learning and wisdom? And wouldn't that be a map? Aren't Atlases rather bigger? Does this mean you're Greek?
Well, I have to say for all of those, you are totally and utterly wrong; though surprisingly you're getting closer to the goal with that Greek thing; in fact, it's quite odd that you mentioned it, it's not normally what someone would ask...
*Ahem*, ANYway...
I am of course addressing the stress of uni, weighing down on yourself like the weight of the world on the shoulders of Atlas in Greek mythology. Not everyone seems to be feeling it that much, or at least they're better than me at keeping it bottled up inside them so it could EXPLODE at any given moment, I meanwhile explode at EVERY given moment.
Why, right now I'm updating my blog at last minute in a mad desperation-driven FRENZY to pass, out of the utter FEAR that I'll fail; a horror unexperienced by me up to this point, unless you count difficult math in highschool and first semester saxophone.
And why do we do this? Well, I'm not even sure if I've done what I have to to pass. I mean, sure, it's all written out there. All nice and pretty - straight lines and bullet points and everything, why it's even in a language I can read! It's everything I need, but dear God if the paranoia can't drive me to doubt all that I do on it.
I suppose it's because university feels so different to highschool; and for a person like me, straight out of secondary education, there's no cool down period. I mean, sure, there were those couple of months inbetween in which to go insane from boredom, but that's hardly preparing you for university; if anything, it's weakening your defenses, as while you may go insane here too, it's from LACK of boredom beyond all else.
Honestly, if I felt any stage in which I was confident in this thrown together at the last minute calamity that I call an effort, I would probably breathe easier a hundred times over.
But right now, I can't even tell if I still have lungs or not.
...
And wouldn't that just be a SUPERB place to leave off to this blog? But no, that just wouldn't do, because of course the point of this blog is to prove me wrong, so heeeeeere we go!
Dear God, can you see yourself type this? Don't you get it that paranoia is your ONLY driving force? Without that, you wouldn't get out of bed in the morning! Your goals are driven by more paranoia than passion; you want to be an animator to get a job and live a decent life, not to express some mad artistic flourishing; without paranoia, you wouldn't even be writing this blog.
And just look at yourself now! You know that this blog itself is an attempt to get pity, and that's even assuming it'll be read, something of which you're also paranoid about! You're even paranoid that by typing that, he's realized that this is a basic sham in the name of getting a passing grade!
If the lecturers didn't keep you on your toes, you wouldn't have bothered to be on your feet in the first place. All you can do is try your best and hope it works, because if it doesn't, it means you haven't really done all you can. Getting what you want is a matter of effort, and by just typing this, you've made some of that; albeit, it's hard to see if that'll help you in what you hope to achieve.
Onto tomorrow, where judgment, hope and the destination of paranoia lies!
And who knows, somewhere within all of this, you may have actually done something worthwhile.

-Atcote

Wakka Wakka Wakka

2007-05-01T19:10:00.001+10:00

'Wakka Wakka Wakka Wakka'...
Does anyone else remember a time when that accompanied the games of the day?
Well, I certainly don't because it was at least a decade before my time. But I still find such a milestone as this rather important; it shows a time when gaming could be ridiculously simple yet incredibly addictive, with graphics being of minor point or notice.
But also, it was incredibly hard. I don't care what you say, after level 12 (an amazing feat of interest in this age of ADD and subliminal images), Pacman becomes damn well difficult. I suppose that's what kept your interest back then; the games were difficult, but the even more amazing thing is, they were possible. There was no doubt you could beat it, you just weren't good enough yet.
And I can fight the inkling that such a thing as this has disappeared in todays' games, because now, if you can't do something, it's almost always located to developer fault, instead of lack of practice. Sometimes it is a problem with programming or design, but even if it isn't, it's still the developer's fault because they made it too hard.
I've never heard a stupider thing. Making something too hard is a problem with the creator, not the person who's actually meant to be making an effort in getting through the game?
Games today (he said, getting testy about the lack of the comforts the mid-nineties held compared to the modern day, where he was reaching the cynical age of 19) seem to go to the other extremity: far too easy. Not only don't you have to think about it; you don't have to do anything. Point the joystick forward, and press 'A', and hey, you've just completed Sonic Adventures. Well done, old chap.
This tenancy for games to go to huge amounts of complexity to either hold the gamer's hand without hint of challenge, or cut off their thumbs like the old games of yore, yet have it be the fault of the creator instead of a lack of practice, a sign of the impatience of this time.
For God's sake, don't ask the developer to change the game, just get better at it! There's a reason they have the 'easy' option; you've meant to learn to play the game. You're just shooting yourself in the foot if you keep playing 'hard' and expecting yourself to achieve.
And now it's time for a very special guest: here's why I am wrong!
Fact is, games are what they're called. GAMES.
You don't need to think about them, or push yourself at them. They aren't an Olympic event, no matter how much Counter-Strike fans push it to be so. You're meant to relax as you play them, not stress yourself to incredible proportions for the sake of getting a rush of 'achievement'.
And none the less, wasn't the difficulty and unendingness of the old arcade games due to them having a 'pay per play' function? You tried to keep people playing for ever so long, so they spent ever so much; much like MMORPGs of today (Future Topic Get!).
And also, those games, particularly back in the days of the SNES and arcade, worked with a simpler 2D camera angle: much easier to make things work your way when you could only view it from one side.
They're for enjoyment, and entertainment; you may feel good as you achieve new things in them, but that usually stops at the disc; from then on, it's rather irrelevant.

Hooray for another topic post!

The March of the Purists

2007-04-30T17:10:00.000+10:00

'Who here likes Lord of the Rings?
Anyone?
Oh boy, you do?! Hooray! So do I.
Want to watch the films?
Wait, no, what are you doing? Get that cross out of my face! Hold on, why are you levering a stake towards my heart?
No, wait, no, NOOOOOARRRRGH!'

Does this scene seem familiar to you? Has it happened to a family member or friend of yours?
This dramatization reveals a very real risk to society as it is today, for the Puritans have risen.
No, they are not some new out there religious sect, nor are they an old but little heard of one like the Quakers. No, Puritans are a much more real and horrid risk.
They are people who object to any altering of an original text when it comes to an adaption.
Needless to say, with the production of the Lord of the Rings films by Peter Jackson, this led to a serious empowering of these creatures, with their horrid ways.
You see, they condemn the films on the basis that they aren't entirely true to their original; usually, I wouldn't take much notice of this. But it's the way they somehow manage to make themselves blind to ALL the good points of the films just because it doesn't include Tom freaking Bombadil, who to me was just a deus ex machina with a beard. It feels as though its' something of a blatant insult to the films as a whole.
A fact is, Peter Jackson and a score of other people worked on the films for years. Now, I know Tolkien worked on the original story on-and-off for around twelve years, and without his works, the films would never exist, but honestly, you can't expect the entire film to be placed within a series of films; they were all over three hours as they were! And as for the character changes, well, flay my skin, I actually LIKE Faramir more in the films than the books; what's the interest in good without any type of conflict?
In conclusion, I say, if you want to experience the books, READ THEM.
At least, that would be the conclusion, if it weren't for the purpose of this blog; to prove me wrong.
Frankly, it's understandable that purists would harbor such views; they usually do it more out of respect for the books than spite for the films. If anything, I'm acting out of some type of twisted spite of the purists, disrespecting books that I found very enjoyable, even if they required an amount of forced insomnia to finish.
To some people, the little details such as Tom Bombadil or no elves at Helms Deep were important aspects of the story, and often they act without empathy of the film makers and any creative input, for they see that Tolkien already did everything creative that needed to be done with the series.
And finally, to rebuke a famed old point: Why do you need them to enjoy the film if you already do? Their opinions shouldn't force you to change your opinion, and in truth, you shouldn't persecute theirs.
But still, the attempt made for a worthwhile blog update.

- Stay linked, I'll update again soon.

Flippant, sexist and irrelevant!

2007-04-21T16:02:00.000+10:00

Oh dear, I have to update this now, don't I?
It's been a week, and a topic I've been able to focus on hasn't really jumped up, so instead I'll just post this list a friend and I created one lonely Thursday night this week:

Weird Things for men to say before/during/after Sex:

1. (On ejaculation) ‘Shazam!’
2. (On ejaculation) ‘This one’s a boy!’
3. (After) ‘So, as I was saying before; would you like to talk about Jesus?’
4. (After) ‘Thank God. The toilet is all the way over there, but it’s okay now.’
5. (During) 'Oh, by the way, I have AIDS, but it's okay, I've got a condom. Just tell me when you're ready to have a break and I'll put it on.’
6. (After) 'So, uh, can I go now? My mum's waiting outside.'
7. (After) 'I forget, are you supposed to put on the condom, or am I?'
8. 'So, um, can I have my prosthetic penis back?'
9. 'By the way, I’ve got cancroids, but I just consider it natural ribbing.'
10. (During) 'I'm sorry, what were we doing? I was just thinking about clowns.'
11. 'Wow, that was so good; I have to share it with everyone! I'll be right back with my brother.'
12. 'So, are we done?' *Under blankets* 'Okay Randel, you can come out now.'
13. (Yelling at cupboard) 'OK, YOU CAN TURN THE CAMERA OFF'
14. (After) 'Sorry, I couldn't get my penis to work, so I used my roommate's.'
15. (After) 'Gee, after that, I can see why they call it a pussy.' *Mumbling to yourself* 'So similar... so similar...'
16. (After) 'So, you have anything to drink? I think I'd rather forget that.'
17. 'God, so it's true. Pretty girls DON'T have to be good at sex.'
18. 'Ah, that's the first time it's worked without me pulling the ripcord.'
19. 'Well, I don't have a paper bag, but a towel will do just fine.'
20. (After) 'Uh, just on an unrelated topic, do you like kids, or not?'
21. (After) 'Oh shit, she's dead!'
22. 'Aw, crap! I left my girlfriend at the bar!'
23. 'Aww, you're nowhere near as good as mum.'
24. (On ejaculation) 'UNCLE! UNCLE!' (Can be taken two ways)
25. 'God, that's so much quicker than taking a shower.'
26. 'Do you feel itchy?'
27. (After) 'That was for you, God.'
28. 'Now maybe my mum will stop complaining.'
29. 'By the way, do you have a ziplock bag I can take the sperm back in?'
30. (After, under blankets) 'Hold on hold on hold on. One. One. One. Alright, I think I'm missing something.'
31. Just hum the Lumberjack Song the whole time.
32. 'Wait, no, stop! I can't do it without my teddy bear!'
33. 'Okay, where's the manual... alright. Now, insert part A into slot B, and... Done.'
34. (Afterwards) 'Okay, I'm finally hard. By the way, don't be alarmed if you see my pet python anywhere.'
35. 'Wow, that was gr... OH MY GOD!!! ..... You're a girl!'
36. 'Oh Jesus, your penis, I think I swallowed your penis!'
37. (On ejaculation) 'JESUS LOVES YOU!'
38. (During ejaculation) 'OH MY GOD The Crying Game was weird.'
39. 'Ok, I'll give you 4 stars for the acting, but only 1 and a half for originality.'
40. (After) ‘God that was a weird twist at the end.'
41. (During) 'It rubs the lotion on the skin...'
42. (During) 'Did you know the female praying mantis eats its mate after sex? How *hot* is that?'
43. (During) 'So, do you come here often?' (Double pun)
44. (During) 'This reminds me, I forgot to put the dog out.'
45. 'By the way, if my boyfriend comes home, just tell him you’re my sister. He'll understand.'
46. (During) 'I'd better stop and make a coffee. I'm about to fall asleep.'
47. 'Oh, fuck, I think I forgot to pay for the drinks at the bar. Just, just hold on. I'll be like, half an hour.'
48. (During) 'You know how I said I had a condom on? APRIL FOOLS!'
49. 'By the way, today's my birthday so I felt obliged not to wear a condom.'
50. (After) 'I'll bet 15 bucks it's a boy.’
51. (Afterwards, sit silent for 5 minutes) 'Well, it's never done THAT before.'
52. 'Just a phone call to my lawyer, and it's all going to plan... what? Oh, yeah, it was great.'
53. (During, click fingers) 'Chris Farley! That's who you remind me of!'
54. 'Fuck, just stop it, alright? How am I supposed to do anything if you keep having orgasms?'
55. (During) 'My mum's got some lube if we need it. HEY MUM!'
56. (During) 'I wish I was drunk.'
57. 'Oh, wait, I gotta make a call.' (On mobile) 'Hey, Ryan....'
• Option 1: 'What are you wearing?'
• Option 2: 'Guess where I am?'
• Option 3: 'On second thoughts, I will get that ride home with you.'
• Option 4: 'Were you the one that had the condoms? Oh, I thought so!'
58. (Taking a photograph during) 'Oh, these are for the kids back home.'
59. 'You're doing it wrong!'
60. (After) 'I'm not catholic, but I do like the way they think.'
61. (After) ‘No, don't throw the condom out; my dad wants it back.'
62. (Pointing) 'What does this do? What does this do? What does this do?’
63. 'No givesies backsies!'
64. (On ejaculation) 'Tag! You're it!'
65. (Immediantly afterwards) 'I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights, no matter where they've been...'
66. (After) 'That had better be good for you. I was sitting on my keys the whole fucking time.'
67. (At your place) 'By the way, who owns this place? ‘Cause it's not mine.'
68. (After) 'And that's my impression of Hugh Heffner.'
69. (After) 'Soooo..... ummmm.... I’ve got scrabble in the cupboard...'
70. (After) 'That was nothing like what Cosmo said it'd be like.'
71. (During) 'Hey, is tonight Monday? FUCK! I'M MISSING THE CHASER!'
72. (During) '.... Did you fart?'
73. (After) 'And now I have to find a goat to sacrifice.'
74. (After) 'Now we're bound for eternity.'
75. (After) 'NOW will you become a Muslim?'
76. (After) 'Do you have any idea how many sperm we just killed?'
77. (After) 'All those sperm, and you only use one? Tightass bitch.'
78. (After) 'You're going to hell.'
79. (During) 'Heh, you have a fat chest.'
80. (During) 'God, pull your weight woman! This isn't charity!'
81. (Before) 'Um...' *awkward few seconds* 'How do you feel about premature ejaculation?'
82. (After) 'That's it? I thought there was more to sex.'
83. (After) 'Well, I don't see what the big deal was.'
84. 'Wow. I'll give you 20 bucks if we can do that again.'
85. (If she screams) *Breaking down crying* 'Oh God, I just wanted to have fun, I didn't want to hurt anyone!'
86. 'Have you ever done it 'Cannibal' style?'
87. ‘I wonder if rape feels any different?’
88. Whenever she makes eye contact with you, make the Hannibal Lecter sound.
89. (During) ‘Do you normally have to wear special shoes for this?’
90. ‘That was better than videogames!’
91. (During ejaculation) ‘Go, Riders of Rohan! For glory and honour!’
92. ‘I forgot a condom, but that’s fine. I’m on the pill.’
93. (After) ‘Bleagh, what a strange minty aftertaste.’
94. (Before) ‘So, I was thinking short and sweet.’
95. ‘Well, I hurt my back today, so would it be alright if I don’t really do anything?’
96. (Afterwards) *Awkwardly* ‘So, uh, just how fertile is your family?’
97. Narrate everything she does as if it were Jane Austen novel.
98. (Immediately afterwards) ‘I think I’m gay now.’
99. (After) ‘I think you need a bit more practice before you’ll make the team.’
100. (On ejaculation) ‘This is all your fault!’

Disclaimer:
This list was created by me, and me alone, with a friend. I hold no responsibility in the outcomes in the use of any of these phrases, in or without their indicted setting. Especially the rape one in number 87, honestly, I think that was just done in poor taste. I mean, what the hell was I thinking, honestly… just disgusting. Disgusting.

Enjoy!

Sure, it's got nothing to do with the point of the blog, but I hope you've learned something.
- Real update to come soon -

And today we celebrate Chocolate Day

2007-04-09T19:09:00.000+10:00

Hooray, ho-ha, yee hee, tiddily-too! Koo-laa, koo-lay my son, for today, we celebrate Jesus's death. Or lack there of.
Okay, admittedly, I'm a day late. But I was busy spending it with my family.
Which is where something odd struck me, just as we sat down to dinner. Now, this is a day of high religious significance, yet none of us are religious.
I mean, my mother and her siblings have been baptized by the Anglican Church, but none of them have attended Mass in years. There was no mention of saying Grace, and Jesus Christ's crucifixion didn't seem to cross (ba-da boom >_>) anybody's mind but mine.
I'm not a Christian, and have never been one. When I grew up my parents took me to Sunday School at the local Salvation Army Church and I was given all that edu-ma-cation, and because I was young, I thought it was somewhere between history and mythology (though I hadn't learnt that word yet). Then, one day, when I was given the choice to return, I chose not to because I felt I had learned enough about Jesus, and instead got into Greek mythology, because 'their books don't have funny words' (Actual quote from a seven year old me).
Of course, I'm not here to rag on religion. I'm here to ask: If we're not religious, why are we celebrating their holidays? I mean, if I'm someone who doesn't committedly believe in God, nor miracles, wouldn't all the evidence here point to the idea that someone was horribly killed two thousand years ago? Well, lots of people have been horribly killed, and that doesn't justify anything, but I don't get a day off every day something like that has happened, let alone four. Nor is anyone enthusiastic to give me chocolate for it.
This is why I propose Chocolate Day. Same day, same rewards, just without all that religion. Isn't that a great idea?
Welp, it's my job here to demonstrate why it isn't.
A fact is, all of western culture is highly influenced by Christian Lore. It's just a pure and simple fact; it's hardly arguable as being right or wrong. Want proof? Go to your calendar. It has something very specific on it to link all of this. Give up?
The four digits at the top.
The very year we call our own is according to the year of the Birth of Christ, and it has been like that since the Romans adopted it, and then it spread like holy fire. Christmas, Easter, St. Patrick's Day are all linked into our culture, perhaps even as strongly as they are linked into actual Religion (it is, after all, one of the powerful drivers of culture).
As for why this is, God knows (and even he would probably have to look it up first). We could link it back to our ancestors, the founders of our Country. They came from England and the like, ruled by a Christian Monarchy. Then again, apparently they were mostly convicts, so I can't see how much water that argument holds.
You can't fight religion or its place in culture anymore than you can fight any other idea or belief; the only effective weapon would have to be your own convictions, if you were truly so opposed.
Or, it could be said, I should stop bitching about it and just go eat some more chocolate.
Holy chocolate at that.

The Critic of Critics

2007-04-04T15:55:00.000+10:00

After recently seeing the second film in The Pirates of the Carribean trilogy, which is to be completed in May this year, I decided to peruse some of its reviews.
I suppose it's rather odd that I never try to see reviews before seeing a film; to me, that would spoil it. Whether or not a film is good or bad is really just part of the surprise. Not often a pleasant surprise, no, but a surprise none-the-less.
Now, I really enjoyed the film. I thought it was witty, dramatic and really tied into the first film very well, despite the fact that this was apparently never planned. It even had what I believe to be a few rip-offs of my favorite video game series, Monkey Island, which I consider an honor, even if not said in the film, but fans will surely recognise it.
Which most certainly describes my shock when I went onto Rotten Tomatoes , a popular film rating site where they correlate many reviews of a single film into a single score, and found that this film had scored a pitling 54%! That's a bad score even by a bad film's rating. How could a great film like this manage such a thing? I delved into some online reviews to discover the truth behind this atrocity. If it was sequel-syndrome again I was going to be starkly displeased.
I was amazed to find that it turns out people disliked the film for the exact same reasons I liked it! Wit, drama, confrontation! All of these things have grown into taboo for the medium of film! It turns out a good film doesn't try to spark someone's imagination, and certainly can only be understood via symbolism, far after the end of the film. Fantasy, as it turns out, is now a cliche. The only form of true oddity is now only allowed via a drug induced orgy scene in a low-budget film from France that still ends with 'Fin'! Have critics really grown so conceited as to not recognise something that took imagination found beyond that of a nearby hallucinogenic to create?
And now, staying within the spirit of my blog, I'm now going to tell myself why I'm wrong.
Now, these people are critics. It is their career to criticise. They can't be kind to films; if someone found out they were enjoying their work, the whole system would fall down. They try and see a film for what it is; a bunch of technical effects and people acting oddly in funny clothing. They have to analyse itself for its deeper themes and ideas, because the on the surface and mere storyline are for the audience to see. And it's also impossible to please everyone, or even most people, let alone with a sequel. Their opinions grow bigger and stronger, and before long, they judge what should happen and compare it to what does happen. They feel as though they could do it better, because they've studied it. The mere fact that they didn't do any of it is mere margin detail.
And as for another thing, why the hell do I need critics to agree with me? Many people enjoyed this film, and they're the ones the film is being made for. A critic's opinion isn't what's important, because if you can manage to still use your imagination during a film and see the work put into it, they really don't count for anything at all.
Fin

Weird Al Points (Flickr, Flickr Good)

2007-03-29T13:42:00.001+10:00

Weird Al Points
Originally uploaded by timmy_themonkey.

Ah, Weird Al Yankovich. The patron saint of all those of us who have no chance of interesting a girl without some type of comedy.

This picture was supplied via my flickr account under the ID timmy_themonkey.

dis.gust.ing

2007-03-22T14:33:00.000+11:00

Heya all, just have to do something for the sake of MPI104, but I'll try and stick with my idea of me being wrong about everything.

Just so you know, I don't have a del.icio.us account and this is not it.

There, I think that worked.

Welcome... or are you?

2007-03-16T08:00:00.000+11:00

Hello, and welcome to my blog, one of many, many out there in the world wide interweb.
My screen-name is Atcote, which stands for 'At the Convenience of the Experimenter', which was first uttered by my high school psychology teacher, and I've liked the name ever since. The reason I use it is because I myself experiment with a great many things, and like them to be convenient.
This, like many other blogs, is a place to vent my opinions on various topics, but I have what I would like to believe is a twist to that straight-forward formula of 'lightly investigate and heavily mock' format, so common in many student blogs of today.
I'm posting here to state why I'm wrong.
A stupid idea? Quite possibly.
So why do I do it? Well, of course, it is to see both sides of an issue, and be influenced by both, no matter my actual opinion. It may even sway the way I think about it, but for the sake of arguement, I'll keep my original opinion until the end of the post.
And now, this is why doing this is an utterly stupid idea.
The idea of an opinion is just that - it is a biased idea that inevitably leads you to ignore the arguements of the other side. If you allow yourself to be influenced by both sides, inevitably both arguements falter and can't be strictly interpreted at the same time due to their opposing nature. The entire concept of arguing against your opinions causes it to lose its original point of being your opinion, because if you can successfully argue against it, you obviously didn't believe in it in the first place, and you have no reason to state that as your opinion!

God, I'm such an idiot!

Stay linked for my next blog, as soon as I find a topic...